STOP STRIVING ... START THRIVING

t:  01482 874008

e:  info@thrive-coaching.co.uk

Fear - your new best friend!

How often does fear stop you from doing things that would make your life better, happier and more fulfilling?

According to the dictionary I looked in, fear is defined as "a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger".

As a natural human response when confronted by a dangerous situation, fear is our friend, it prevents us doing something stupid that could harm us.  On a day-to-day level, however, fear doesn't always help us and is often more likely to hurt than help us.  How come?  Because it is our fears that stop us taking action to become all that we are capable of being.

When we feel afraid or fearful it is really our body's way of letting us know that something unfamiliar, and therefore potentially dangerous, is in front of us.  It isn't our body's intention necessarily to stop us doing whatever we were thinking of doing, it is just trying to slow us down a little and make us think about what exactly it is that we are facing and how best to handle it.

So how can you use your fear productively?

1.  When you are aware that something is frightening you firstly take a moment to acknowledge the fear and the positive intention of fear as an emotion.  Take a minute to be grateful to your body for highlighting to you that you need to proceed with caution.

2.  Make your fear specific.  So often when we are afraid we don't really know exactly what we are afraid of, we just know we are fearful.  Next time you feel fear take a minute to stop and make a list of what EXACTLY it is that you are afraid of.  Is it that you will look stupid?  Is it that you aren't clever enough?  Is it that you will fall off the stage?  Come up with as many reasons as possible.

Your list will probably comprise of 2 types of fears - things/events that might happen and feelings you have about yourself so lets look at these separately.

3a. Events - ask yourself the following questions in relation to each of your fears one at a time and write down your answers

- be absolutely honest with yourself, is it REALLY likely to happen?

- what is the more likely result?

- what is the best possible (stuff of your dreams) result that you can imagine happening?

- what would happen if the result you fear most occurred?  Would it really be that horrendous or would it just make you feel a bit uncomfortable for a short while? Be honest.

- What can you do to lessen the likelihood of your most feared result happening?

3b.  Feelings - Who loves you unconditionally, believes in you wholeheartedly and is always looking out for your best interests?  Who thinks you are the bees knees?!  Your Mum?  Your best friend?  I am pretty sure that you have thought of someone but if you are struggling, for the purpose of this exercise imagine that you have been adopted by the Granny (Maureen Lipman) in the BT "you've got an ology!" advert.

In your imagination tell your biggest fan your fears one at a time and listen to their response.  What are they saying to you?  Do they agree with your self-assessment?  What evidence are they offering to back up their opinion of you?

Better still, ring that person up or meet with them and work through the list with them.  It may not be one of the easiest things you will do but it will certainly be one of the best.  What have you got to lose?

Marie Curie said "Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.  Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less".  I couldn't have said it better myself!

I hope these tips inspire you to start rethinking some of your fears because only by confronting them will you ever overcome them.  

To find out more about how I can help you to break through the fears that are holding you back then contact me now.

Click here to return to Top Tips archive

Click here to sign up for Top Tips by e-mail

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant".

Robert Louis Stevenson